Okay, so we're just past the 1st week mark. It's been a blur really - a little too "normal" and a little chaotic all at the same time. Here are just a few of my observations:
1. My house STINKS! (as previously stated in another post)
2. The novelty of the in fridge ice and water maker has not worn off and my kitchen floor always has a puddle on it.
3. Moise is obsessed with ice and will eat ice chips all day
4. Haitians MUST yell EVERYTHING! There is no concept of volume control at all!
5. Moise understands everything we are saying to him unless its something he doesn't want to hear - then he's amazingly stricken with the "I only speak Creole" disease
6. Phoenix knows how to "work it!" He will bat his eyelashes and flash a heart-melting smile whenever he's told no or is doing something he knows he's not supposed to
7. Getting an 8 year old who wets the bed nearly every night to wear GoodNights is A LOT easier said than done
8. Who knew adding 2 kids would increase the mess in my house exponentially. I have wiped up more spills, washed more blown out clothes and picked up more crap in the last week than in my entire career as a mom
9. Just cause you adopt an older kid doesn't mean you'll get the sleep of an older kid - expect newborn sleep cycles!
10. Phoenix sleepwalks apparently and often ends up on the couch or chair in the living room.
11. Having to discipline 180 degrees from what you're used to and now applying to all boys instead of just the new 2 - uber challenging.
12. I H-A-T-E diapers!!!!! I didn't order a baby, but I got one anyway! Changes the game plan 110%
13. This - all of this - still feel like babysitting. I can't emphasize this enough. There is not some magical moment when they come home wherein that organic, loving, "feels like they've always been here" family appears. It's work and a choice every single day to love them and make it work. Do not misunderstand - I love all of my children passionately and unwaveringly. However, you have to realize that this is one of the biggest changes and adjustments we (or you, if you are adopting) will ever go through as a family. It takes a helluva lot of time and a helluva lot of work and prayer. The more you build up dreams and ideas and paint pictures of what you think it will be like when your children come home, the more disappointed, frustrated and out of love you will be with them when they finally do come home. Let me share with you something my parents shared with my husband when he was about to meet my extended family for the first time: expect the worst....and then you get the "family name inserted here." I will relay the same advice to you: expect the worst...and then you get "insert child's name here." In other words - have no expectations or dreams or grandiose ideas of family ooey-gooey bonding. Expect the worst and you will be so wonderfully surprised when it turns out to be not so bad. This puts so much less pressure on the children and takes a HUGE burden off of you.
I think that's all for right now. I have 2 very sick little guys - 24-hour flu kinda thing and we've been up since 4:30am. Will post more pics and updates throughout the next week, so keep on checking in.
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I would give him the choice of wearing the goodnights or of stripping his bed, putting the sheets in the washer, dryer and remaking the bed himself--or staying dry. We went through this. Amazing how quickly mine learned to stay dry with that choice.
Especially when I told him the next time he made everyone late because he wouldn't get dressed for school I was going to drop him off in his pjs. And I did. He had to walk in to school in pjs, wearing a pull up and carrying his uniform. He was in THIRD grade. That ended the pull ups.
Heather,
The babysitting part is so true. Im glad you recognize it and are hopefully able to escape feeling guilty about it. I really struggled with feeling like a glorified babysitter and feeling badly for not feeling more "loving' towards our foster daughter. But I also think that was because no one told me to expect to feel like that or that it was okay to feel that way.
Heather,
The babysitting part is so true. Im glad you recognize it and are hopefully able to escape feeling guilty about it. I really struggled with feeling like a glorified babysitter and feeling badly for not feeling more "loving' towards our foster daughter. But I also think that was because no one told me to expect to feel like that or that it was okay to feel that way.
I was definitely prepared for the "babysitting" feeling and am cool with it for now. Everyone needs to adjust. I think my "revelation" was more for those people who are building up those impossible dreams of homecoming in their heads. It is so sad when that happens and all that is present upon homecoming is disappointment. For those who say "it feels as though they've always been here" and think they have that ooey-gooey bonding immediately - i think they are deluding themselves and the reality that will hit later will be traumatic to all involved.
what is it with this 'not getting up to pee thing??????"
It was a non negotiable here. I said when you can go 10 nights with not peeing in your pull-up, you can wear panties to bed. I also used the "just like so-in-so" bit to let her know although kids do that in the O, big kids here do not!
It is not babysitting, because those kids go home......I don't know what the word is. I think more than even with birth children, it is an acute awareness of them belonging to God and being entrusted into our care, natural feelings or not.
The always been here feelings will come too-delightfully and with surprise!!
You're a special mom and they will flourish in your care!!
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